I have come to know a man I worked with over 19 years well, and we have become friends and have remained so after I retired. He is always up beat and loving life, which has not been easy for him or his family. You see he has had to fight off liver cancer more than once over a short time span. In addition, as if that was not enough, once he was cancer free, the damage done in the various procedures to save him, left his liver so damaged that his only real hope lay in a liver transplant. The procedure to prove this need was long and nerve wracking with many tests and hoops needing to be jumped through. I really don’t recall exactly how long this all took, but a year seems about right. Then on 20th of November, 2003 he came to work with a pager he had to carry everywhere. He was instructed to pack a bag, put it in the car, and leave it there. At this point he was just on the list, but way down toward, if not actually on the bottom. He was still in good health for the most part, but his doctors felt that the longer they waited for him to move up, the worse things could get and the worse his chances of getting a liver or surviving the transplant. So they appealed to the board and on the next day got him moved to the top.
20 Jan 04, 1am. The phone rings and I answer.—Using one of his old online names for this post.. “Hello” “Gregg?” “Yeah” “Tinstar,....” and I am thinking Tinstar who....well it IS 1AM.....I just got the call” Oh my God THAT Tinstar. Within seconds the entire house knows who the call is from and why.
Over the next days and weeks, I, an outsider watch as life begins again with new vigor and meaning, not only for him, but his family too. I also watch as a life ends. His child, a teenager is very good about calling and keeping me in the loop, and all she can say the day of the transplant is, “I got my birthday present.” She and her dad form that day on, both share a birthday together, for indeed his life begins over on this day. His dad has been ill teetering death for some time at this point. But they don’t tell him his son is getting his liver until he is out of surgery and doing well Knowing his son has a new lease on life, he lets go of his own and passes in peace. And without anyone telling Tinstar, he knows what has happened, as he can feel his dad in his room. Tinstar’s recovery is remarkable and fast. He is discharged and sent home that weekend.
In the meantime people at work are coming to me asking how he is doing and telling me to let him know they are thinking and praying for him, as are others from all over the USA via the net. Friends are a great comfort, even cyber friends. This gift a grieving family gave Tinstar is beyond explaining, but here I am trying to do just that. The joy this gift is, is not for Tinstar alone but to his entire family and all his friends. The pure joy given to so many others from someone not even known to them, while suffering their darkest deepest pain is truly a gift from the heart and of the greatest love for their loss, as well as love for a complete stranger that can ever be. To be sure this new birth has not been easy, he has scared us a few times for complications that could have turned serious in a heartbeat, yet still he continues to remain upbeat and full of life.
I grew up knowing a Great Uncle had a kidney transplant, but never sat and thought about what it meant, and if you think about it you probably know someone that has had some kind of transplant too. Call them or go visit them and talk to them about it. Talk to their family and friends about what it means and how it affected their lives. And if you are not listed as a donor, seriously take a look at why not. Then go out and have your Driver’s License marked ASAP. At the very least make your intentions and wishes known and in writing to all your family and friends..
Please think about it. Take action to make sure that when the time comes, your family sees that this gift is given to some other stranger and their family and friends. That someone else can live to walk a daughter down the aisle, or coach a game, and just hold his family in his arms and tell them he loves them for years to come.
After watching all this, and even as I still am, I have made sure my wife know that when I pass on, I want whatever is needed to help another family to be given. Tell them it is my honor to do so. For all the Tinstars and Great Uncles of the world.
And last but very certainly nor least: To the donor’s family, saying thanks seems very shallow and inadequate for a life taken and a life given back. The best that can be done is to pay the gift forward, and that I promise as a friend of the person receiving your gift it will be done. May God grant you peace for your gift of love.
Please share this post everywhere you can, and please pass the gift on to others.